Posts Tagged ‘Bruce Springsteen’

Things that I Miss #1: Apple Newtons

April 18, 2008

A little dry, but the stylus is made out of dark chocolate.

As much fun as it was learning about an antiquated version of a modern convenience I can’t afford and have no practical use for (pictured) when I was trying to do research, this posting is about the Nabisco treat that was 86’ed at some point when I wasn’t paying attention. Back in the good ol’ days it was Fig, Apple, and Raspberry. Fig’s OK but overall bland, Raspberry’s far too tart, but Apple! Zounds! Apple Newtons were the tastiest things in the world! Sweet, apple-y, soft, chewy (but not TOO chewy!), they were everything a kid could ask for, and on the practical side they don’t literally give you a shit-eating grin like Oreos.

Nowadays in a world where rock music has gone to the John and fell in (sorry indie kids, but I remember that Springsteen, Bon Jovi, and grunge happened), and high school kids are bringing cellphones with matching glocks to school there are no Apple Newtons. Fig and Raspberry are still standing strong, and some pretenders have come and gone (pictured), Bad. Idea.but what did they settle on for Appley-Bappley’s replacement? Strawberry Newtons! You can get strawberry-flavored food everywhere! Ever seen an Apple Starburst? No, and with good reason. Frankly not that much food tastes good Apple-ized (e.g. Sour Apple-flavored anything).

But Apple Newtons did! National Biscuit Company, you are fools for letting go of your strongest cookie (emm.. err.. “fruited cake”). Just as any true New Englander would tell you, if you can make something with apples in it, you should, and since these damn things were first produced in Massachusetts it feels inappropriate not to.

Not to be anti-SWPL, but I almost wonder if Apple Computers is behind this. Anyone that’s ever tried to download Penny Lane on iTunes knows a little bit about their history of pissing matches with similarly-named enterprises. Maybe Nabisco didn’t feel like it was worth fighting with a bunch of nerds with expensive lawyers from Silicon Valley just to keep their number two Newton.

Strawberry was safer for legal reasons. That’s what I’ll tell myself.